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Fortune Teller Uses Asparagus To Predict The Future

Mirror – A fortune teller who correctly predicted Brexit using ASPARAGUS has revealed her top tips for 2018 – including Theresa May being ousted as Prime Minister.

Jemima Packington, 61, is the world’s only Asparamancer and claims she can peer into the future by tossing the veg in the air and interpreting how the spears land.

She predicts that 2018 will see the US bring the world to the brink of serious conflict and the bursting of the Bitcoin bubble.

She also believes there will be earthquakes and volcanic eruptions over the next 12 months but there may be a record number of Royal births.

It’s also bad news for Theresa May as Jemima predicts she will be replaced as Prime Minister before the end of the year.

And there’s more trouble for Westminster as Jemima believes there will be another political scandal.

The mystic veg has already been proven right this year by predicting New Years’ floods as Storm Eleanor lashes the UK with 100mph winds.

She also says it will be a year of Oscar success for British films and one particular British actor.

However, it doesn’t look good for British sport with no national teams or individuals predicted to win anything in 2018. 

Jemima Packington, Britain’s only fortune teller to use asparagus to see into the future. 

Already the English cricket team have lost the Ashes to Australia and the tennis world was dealt a blow when Andy Murray announced a hip injury had forced him to pull out of the Australian Open.

Despite the England football team having a relatively easy group in this summer’s World Cup, Jemima doesn’t predict them lifting the trophy.

Astonishingly, some of Jemima’s predictions came true last year including saying the summer would change from drought to downpours – as the UK saw the 11th wettest on record.

She also correctly stated the UK economy would grow after implementing Brexit.

Despite gloomy predictions of a slowdown, the economy grew by 1.5 per cent last year.

Jemima, from Evesham, Worcs., who now lives in Bath, said: “I take what I do seriously but I never take myself seriously.

“When I cast the asparagus, it creates patterns and it is the patterns I interpret.”

Jemima prefers to use fresh Worcestershire asparagus grown in the Vale of Evesham – the UK’s main supplier of the vegetable.

She picks a handful of tips, tosses them into the air and “reads” the shapes they form when they land.

She began making predictions aged about eight – a gift she says she inherited from her great aunt who used to read tea leaves.

In previous years Jemima has correctly foreseen the credit crunch, the Euro crisis and Andy Murray winning Wimbledon.

She also correctly predicted Gordon Brown would lose the 2010 general election and ultimately leave politics.

Jemima said: “I am usually about 80-90 per cent accurate with my predictions.

“I go through my predictions each year and think: ‘Yep, that’s happened, yep, that’s happened.’

“Occasionally I get one slightly off, where I haven’t quite read it correctly, but I’m never far off.

“Brexit happened, and Prince Harry did have a very important announcement.”

This chick looks like she’s about to drop the hottest 2005 Mike Jones single that teaches kids about hoes, wood grain wheels, and tippin on fofo’s.

What’s even more ridiculous is this lady thinking that I’m buying this schtick. Reading the shapes of falling asparagus to predict outcomes in the world? I didn’t do the math, but her saying that she is around 80-90% correct is preposterous considering I don’t even think she was 80-90% correct in the predictions laid out in this article. She might have been under 20% correct in this article. Again, I didn’t do the math, but I know I’m correct here. Just believe me. The only way I’ll trust Jemima over here is if she let me use some of these predictions on some bets coming up. Only way to truly find out in my eyes.

PS: I bet her pee smells sooo bad


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